If you can, show them pictures of the new house or flat and talk about what their favourite features are. Allow them to plan what will go where in their spaces, and to help you choose the layout of the living spaces through giving them choices – such as should we put the sofa here, or there? If they choose where things go, they build that space with you, together.

Encourage your child to express their emotions and listen to them carefully. Enable their self-expression through empathy. Identify the emotion and respond accordingly: ‘You feel nervous of moving because it’s a big change, is that right?’ When you identify and repeat you child’s emotions back to them you validate their feelings and enable their expression of those feelings. Shared self-expression between family members helps create an authentically connected family. Children raised in authentically connected families have better wellbeing. Ask your children about their needs and let your child know that you are planning for their needs. You can’t involve them in all the decision making but when you are with them you can make them feel important, valued, and connected through focusing both on their needs and on the decisions that they are involved in.

Big events such as moving house can take up a lot of parents’ attention, resulting in a perceived deficit of parental attention in the eyes of their child. This can add to a child’s negative perception of moving. Counter this risk by actively prioritising your child’s needs as much as possible during the moving process and explicitly let them know that you are doing this. For example, mention to your child that it should be a day for packing but that, actually, you are going to take them out to the park instead. And make the moving jobs, such as wrapping and packing, fun. Allow them to draw on and colour code the boxes, for example, pop the bubble wrap, or roll their parent up in the carpet! If it is fun, children will associate positive memories with the very act of moving and understand that cherished memories and experiences are not bound to one space but are fluid and move with them. An understanding of this mobility will offer your child a sense of security and lessen the sense of loss encountered when leaving one place to move to another.
If you found this post helpful, then you are probably moving home with kids! Good luck and all good wishes for your new home. You might like to check out my other related blog posts!

Child development studies have rightly focused on the attachment children form to caregivers in the early stages of their development but researchers in the fields of human geography and child psychology now also highlight the strong attachments that children form to the space in which they live, which for many children is the first place they inhabit outside the sanctuary of the womb.  Perhaps the most important aspect of a child’s relation to the space they inhabit to bear in mind when moving is that positive place attachment is always associated with experiences and memories, not the size and quality of the physical environment. 
Given children’s strong attachments to their home, I’ve put together some tips on helping your child with the loss they encounter when moving home.

Moving home is an upheaval to parents but to children this might be the single biggest change they have experienced in their life so far. Children process change and transition very differently to adults. Ever thought your child wasn’t listening to you, only for your child to respond to your question or conversation point three days later? Children have a different temporality to adults. Understanding your child’s psychological transitioning to a new place is crucial to being able to provide support for them. So, it is essential to give your child time to get used to the idea of moving home. Talk to them far in advance about moving home. Children’s books are often great in providing children with a narrative of the experience they are about to encounter. In relating to the characters in the book, they begin the process of empathy and understanding with the characters, which they can then utilise as tools of resilience and self-empathy when they then experience moving home themselves. Ask them how they feel about moving home, listen to them. If they feel anxious, or scared, allow them time to work through those feelings rather than trying to instantly turn negative feelings into positive ones, something we too often do as parents. Make time to acknowledge their feelings and talk about your own too.

Moving home might be one of your child’s first experiences of loss. It is important to let them grieve their old home. Try not to force a positive narrative if your child is feeling unhappy about moving home. Talk to them about what they feel they will be losing or missing out on, allow them to spend time with those thoughts with you. As with any grief, the state needs to be worked through. What will they miss? Talk about the memories you have created in that place with them, and the memories they have that do not involve you (a child’s bedroom comes alive when a parent leaves it!). Creating a picture book of the house with your children, with photographs and written memories creates a keepsake and the sense that they can take their ‘home’, which is built out of their experiences and memories, with them.  Helping your child to recollect memories of the place they are leaving, and to develop stories about that place, will help them express what that place means to them. Offering rituals around the moving day will help to give a child a sense of closure. Don’t rush the final part of the move. Allow your child to say goodbye, to each room if they would like to, and alone if they would like to (and are old enough). Your child will have their own relationship to the place they are leaving; respect that relationship by allowing them to say goodbye in their own special way.

Social media and magazines are full of this stuff. We’re fed it all the time. The myth of the ‘If only…’. If only we had a bigger house. If only we lived near the sea. If only we had a nicer car. The list of ‘If onlys’ goes on and on.

So, what if we try to achieve the ‘If only’ by moving home and life doesn’t feel better after all? The grass doesn’t look greener and there’s more of it to mow!

What if we move and it feels like our dream is running through our fingers leaving a sticky mess like cornflour and water? 

​What if our kids haven’t settled in their new schools? 

What if we haven’t found ‘our people’ yet? 
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If we hoped that moving would solve our problems then the aftermath of moving can be really hard.

If you are having a difficult time after moving, I want to reassure you that you are definitely not alone. In the research on this, some people make what are called ‘adjustment moves’ – moves in quick succession – as people realise that things were not quite as they hoped or planned in the new home or location. 

There has been a bit of media coverage on this, related to pandemic home moves – Why I regret my pandemic panic property purchase | Times2 | The Sunday Times (thetimes.co.uk) – but it certainly isn’t a new feeling or experience. 
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Sometimes people stay in the new home/location but say that it took far longer to feel settled in their new home/location than they had anticipated, for children and/or themselves.

As I always say, moving may be common but that doesn’t make it easy. It can be really hard to settle in to a new place. 
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If you are feeling like your move isn’t working out like you had hoped, I would love to use my research knowledge and experience to help you. You can email me at naomi@naomityrrellphd.com to book a Coaching Call.

There are several private companies with websites hosting school directories. In England, there is also the government’s website which enables you to find schools by postcode area, and compare data for schools (like Ofsted reports, for example). You can also search based on the council area your new house is in here.

Look at their websites. Which ones seem to fit with your child’s needs and personality? Schools can vary in ethos, approach and teaching methods even if they have to cover the same curriculum. Draw up a short list of schools that seem to match your child’s needs and that your new home is in the geographical area for (often called a school catchment).

Criteria for admissions are not necessarily the same for every school but every school has an Admissions Policy. Most of them are on their websites. Do you think you meet (or will meet when you move) their admission criteria? Adjust your shortlist accordingly. The Admissions Policy will tell you how to apply for a place, which in England is through the local council school admissions department. There are normal year admissions (e.g. starting in Reception) and in-year submissions (often the case if you move house). The admissions process for schools in England is outlined here.

Did I hear you say ‘Really? Ring them?!’ 

​Yes! 

If you are going to be applying to a school that is oversubscribed (many are), the person responsible for admissions is like your new best friend! Ask if there is likely to be space in the school year you need (or years, if you have more than one child) when you need it (i.e. when you move home).
Speaking to the admissions administrator will give you a good idea about if there is a waiting list and, if so, how many children are on it. They will also be able to tell you what the pupil turnover is like at the school and whether the space(s) you need is likely to become available.
By having a polite chat on the phone directly with the school, often you can find out more information than from perusing the website or by emailing. You can find out relevant information more quickly so you don’t waste time applying for a school that you have very little chance of getting a place in! Have you noticed that people often tell you more in person then they might by email…?

There is an annual application deadline for new school starters for both primary and secondary school which is the same across England. In-year admission policies for children who change school mid-way through the year, because of circumstances like moving house, can vary slightly between councils. Some councils will not let you apply more without having proof of address in the new location. Some councils will not let you apply for a school place more than two weeks before you need it. It is important to find out the rules your new council has from their school admissions webpages.

In pre-Covid times this was pretty straightforward. Nowadays, some schools are allowing visits at specific times, some are offering video tours, some are not offering in-person or virtual visits. Ring the school and find out what they offer.

It can be really helpful to get a feel for a school by visiting, meeting staff and pupils. It is