If you can, show them pictures of the new house or flat and talk about what their favourite features are. Allow them to plan what will go where in their spaces, and to help you choose the layout of the living spaces through giving them choices – such as should we put the sofa here, or there? If they choose where things go, they build that space with you, together.

Encourage your child to express their emotions and listen to them carefully. Enable their self-expression through empathy. Identify the emotion and respond accordingly: ‘You feel nervous of moving because it’s a big change, is that right?’ When you identify and repeat you child’s emotions back to them you validate their feelings and enable their expression of those feelings. Shared self-expression between family members helps create an authentically connected family. Children raised in authentically connected families have better wellbeing. Ask your children about their needs and let your child know that you are planning for their needs. You can’t involve them in all the decision making but when you are with them you can make them feel important, valued, and connected through focusing both on their needs and on the decisions that they are involved in.

Big events such as moving house can take up a lot of parents’ attention, resulting in a perceived deficit of parental attention in the eyes of their child. This can add to a child’s negative perception of moving. Counter this risk by actively prioritising your child’s needs as much as possible during the moving process and explicitly let them know that you are doing this. For example, mention to your child that it should be a day for packing but that, actually, you are going to take them out to the park instead. And make the moving jobs, such as wrapping and packing, fun. Allow them to draw on and colour code the boxes, for example, pop the bubble wrap, or roll their parent up in the carpet! If it is fun, children will associate positive memories with the very act of moving and understand that cherished memories and experiences are not bound to one space but are fluid and move with them. An understanding of this mobility will offer your child a sense of security and lessen the sense of loss encountered when leaving one place to move to another.
If you found this post helpful, then you are probably moving home with kids! Good luck and all good wishes for your new home. You might like to check out my other related blog posts!

Child development studies have rightly focused on the attachment children form to caregivers in the early stages of their development but researchers in the fields of human geography and child psychology now also highlight the strong attachments that children form to the space in which they live, which for many children is the first place they inhabit outside the sanctuary of the womb.  Perhaps the most important aspect of a child’s relation to the space they inhabit to bear in mind when moving is that positive place attachment is always associated with experiences and memories, not the size and quality of the physical environment. 
Given children’s strong attachments to their home, I’ve put together some tips on helping your child with the loss they encounter when moving home.

Moving home is an upheaval to parents but to children this might be the single biggest change they have experienced in their life so far. Children process change and transition very differently to adults. Ever thought your child wasn’t listening to you, only for your child to respond to your question or conversation point three days later? Children have a different temporality to adults. Understanding your child’s psychological transitioning to a new place is crucial to being able to provide support for them. So, it is essential to give your child time to get used to the idea of moving home. Talk to them far in advance about moving home. Children’s books are often great in providing children with a narrative of the experience they are about to encounter. In relating to the characters in the book, they begin the process of empathy and understanding with the characters, which they can then utilise as tools of resilience and self-empathy when they then experience moving home themselves. Ask them how they feel about moving home, listen to them. If they feel anxious, or scared, allow them time to work through those feelings rather than trying to instantly turn negative feelings into positive ones, something we too often do as parents. Make time to acknowledge their feelings and talk about your own too.

Moving home might be one of your child’s first experiences of loss. It is important to let them grieve their old home. Try not to force a positive narrative if your child is feeling unhappy about moving home. Talk to them about what they feel they will be losing or missing out on, allow them to spend time with those thoughts with you. As with any grief, the state needs to be worked through. What will they miss? Talk about the memories you have created in that place with them, and the memories they have that do not involve you (a child’s bedroom comes alive when a parent leaves it!). Creating a picture book of the house with your children, with photographs and written memories creates a keepsake and the sense that they can take their ‘home’, which is built out of their experiences and memories, with them.  Helping your child to recollect memories of the place they are leaving, and to develop stories about that place, will help them express what that place means to them. Offering rituals around the moving day will help to give a child a sense of closure. Don’t rush the final part of the move. Allow your child to say goodbye, to each room if they would like to, and alone if they would like to (and are old enough). Your child will have their own relationship to the place they are leaving; respect that relationship by allowing them to say goodbye in their own special way.

Social media and magazines are full of this stuff. We’re fed it all the time. The myth of the ‘If only…’. If only we had a bigger house. If only we lived near the sea. If only we had a nicer car. The list of ‘If onlys’ goes on and on.

So, what if we try to achieve the ‘If only’ by moving home and life doesn’t feel better after all? The grass doesn’t look greener and there’s more of it to mow!

What if we move and it feels like our dream is running through our fingers leaving a sticky mess like cornflour and water? 

​What if our kids haven’t settled in their new schools? 

What if we haven’t found ‘our people’ yet? 
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If we hoped that moving would solve our problems then the aftermath of moving can be really hard.

If you are having a difficult time after moving, I want to reassure you that you are definitely not alone. In the research on this, some people make what are called ‘adjustment moves’ – moves in quick succession – as people realise that things were not quite as they hoped or planned in the new home or location. 

There has been a bit of media coverage on this, related to pandemic home moves – Why I regret my pandemic panic property purchase | Times2 | The Sunday Times (thetimes.co.uk) – but it certainly isn’t a new feeling or experience. 
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Sometimes people stay in the new home/location but say that it took far longer to feel settled in their new home/location than they had anticipated, for children and/or themselves.

As I always say, moving may be common but that doesn’t make it easy. It can be really hard to settle in to a new place. 
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If you are feeling like your move isn’t working out like you had hoped, I would love to use my research knowledge and experience to help you. You can email me at naomi@naomityrrellphd.com to book a Coaching Call.

There are several private companies with websites hosting school directories. In England, there is also the government’s website which enables you to find schools by postcode area, and compare data for schools (like Ofsted reports, for example). You can also search based on the council area your new house is in here.

Look at their websites. Which ones seem to fit with your child’s needs and personality? Schools can vary in ethos, approach and teaching methods even if they have to cover the same curriculum. Draw up a short list of schools that seem to match your child’s needs and that your new home is in the geographical area for (often called a school catchment).

Criteria for admissions are not necessarily the same for every school but every school has an Admissions Policy. Most of them are on their websites. Do you think you meet (or will meet when you move) their admission criteria? Adjust your shortlist accordingly. The Admissions Policy will tell you how to apply for a place, which in England is through the local council school admissions department. There are normal year admissions (e.g. starting in Reception) and in-year submissions (often the case if you move house). The admissions process for schools in England is outlined here.

Did I hear you say ‘Really? Ring them?!’ 

​Yes! 

If you are going to be applying to a school that is oversubscribed (many are), the person responsible for admissions is like your new best friend! Ask if there is likely to be space in the school year you need (or years, if you have more than one child) when you need it (i.e. when you move home).
Speaking to the admissions administrator will give you a good idea about if there is a waiting list and, if so, how many children are on it. They will also be able to tell you what the pupil turnover is like at the school and whether the space(s) you need is likely to become available.
By having a polite chat on the phone directly with the school, often you can find out more information than from perusing the website or by emailing. You can find out relevant information more quickly so you don’t waste time applying for a school that you have very little chance of getting a place in! Have you noticed that people often tell you more in person then they might by email…?

There is an annual application deadline for new school starters for both primary and secondary school which is the same across England. In-year admission policies for children who change school mid-way through the year, because of circumstances like moving house, can vary slightly between councils. Some councils will not let you apply more without having proof of address in the new location. Some councils will not let you apply for a school place more than two weeks before you need it. It is important to find out the rules your new council has from their school admissions webpages.

In pre-Covid times this was pretty straightforward. Nowadays, some schools are allowing visits at specific times, some are offering video tours, some are not offering in-person or virtual visits. Ring the school and find out what they offer.

It can be really helpful to get a feel for a school by visiting, meeting staff and pupils. It is up to you whether you do the visit (in person or online) with your child or on your own. There are pros and cons to both ways of doing it so think about what would suit your family best.
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If a visit is not possible, you can do some online research about the school using Google and social media. Local community Facebook Groups can be helpful for finding out about schools and people’s experiences of them. I wouldn’t be ruled by what other people say about a school online though – keep an open mind. All schools don’t suit all kids (or parents!). You can also visit the area around the school at pick-up time to get an idea of the chatter that goes on, although be mindful you don't want to worry anyone by ‘hanging around’ the school gates!

​Fill in the form, email it off and hey presto! After a short while you will find out which school your child(ren) has been allocated! You can ring or email to ask how long the allocation process will take as this can vary. When you receive all the information from the council and the allocated school, the joys of shopping for new school uniform can begin!
I hope you’ve found these steps helpful for navigating the in-year schools admission process. Come and share your experiences or ask questions in my free Facebook Group. 
I’ll be blogging about what to do if you don’t get a place in the school you and your child prefer and other schooling issues soon.

Moving house involves change. Change can disrupt sleep.

I think sleep is probably one of the most talked about topics in parenting circles in the Early Years, isn’t it?!  If you throw moving home into the mix of the not-enough-sleep phase of family life, you may wonder how you will ever survive!

​Fear not, I’ve teamed up with sleep expert Rhian from Rested Mama to give you some top tips to help your child settle to sleep in your new home. 

1. Don’t wash the bedding when you move! If you can, transfer your child’s bedding from your old home to your new home without washing it so that they have a familiar smell when they first go to bed. With a new sleeping environment, having the same bedding for a few days is a simple thing you can do to make the transition easier. 

2. You can decorate the new bedroom in similar colours and style to the old bedroom so that it is familiar. When your child is experiencing other changes, having their bedroom similar can help. The opposite to that, which works for some children, is to have new décor and furniture in the new bedroom so that it is exciting and fun. For example, you may buy new bunkbeds or a cabin bed if you child if old enough, or have glow-in-dark stars on the ceiling. The key to having a new sleeping environment in a new house is to introduce it to your child well before bedtime, if at all possible. 

3. Keep a familiar bedtime routine in the new home. If you usually have bath-time, stories, snack, teeth, lights low etc. then try to keep in the same order of things so that your child knows what to expect. Lavender oil can be very relaxing so you could use a child-safe room diffuser, spray or bath product with lavender in. Rhian suggests introducing this smell at bedtime a couple of weeks ahead of moving, so that again it’s something constant and familiar for your child.  Do be careful with essential oils though and keep them out of children’s reach. 

4. Moving may trigger sleep issues that your child has not experienced before, such as confusional arousals, sleep talking, sleep walking, nightmares or even night terrors. Some research suggests that changes in a child’s home environment may be processed while they are sleeping. If you know that these sleep changes are possible, hopefully it will make it less worrying for you if it does happen. Confusional arousals, nightmares and night terrors can be incredibly hard to see your child go through and it can be hard to believe they are asleep. Children often have no memories of them in the morning and there is not much you can do to help except to make sure they are safe and console them if they do not react against this. These sleep issues are usually just a phase but if you are concerned do seek professional help. 
 
5. Sometimes children are concerned by unfamiliar noises in their new home – floorboards creaking, pipes popping, noises from outside. You could use a white noise machine or app if your child is young, or consider calming music or audio bedtime stories. Rhian from Rested Mama says: ‘Pink noise can be a game changer for children over 6 months of age, and has been shown to induce a deep sleep.’ You can see an article about pink noise and white noise at Pink Noise: What It Is, Sleep Research. It would be helpful to incorporate this into your child’s bedtime routine before moving home, if possible.  

I hope these sleep-inducing tips help you and your children when you move home. Rhian from Rested Mama says:

‘I’m a huge fan of making small changes one step at a time when it comes to children’s sleep.  Moving home is such a big change, it’s important to keep as much else as familiar as possible.  Now is not the right time to be making changes to how your child falls asleep.  Keep the routine the same, and if you want to make any changes, for example stopping sitting next to their bed whilst they fall asleep, hold off until they’ve settled into their new environment.’

If you need some advice about any aspect of your child’s sleep, you can join Rhian’s free Facebook Group More Sleep Please

You can share your experiences and ask for advice about any aspect of How to Move Home with Kids in my free Facebook Group.

Talk to children in advance about what moving day means for them and what it involves. Don’t assume they will know. Talk them through what will happen and when. You can draw a storyboard so they have a visual reminder for the day, or write a list they can tick off on the day.

If you talk about moving day in advance, it normalises it and gives children the opportunity to ask questions and express their feelings.
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How often should you talk about moving day? If you think frequent mentions of moving day are going to increase any anxiety they have about moving, plan in your mind when you will talk about. If you think talking about moving day infrequently will increase their anxiety, plan in your mind to talk about it more often. You know your child best. You can develop the best strategy for helping your child cope with moving day by thinking about how they respond to events in their everyday lives.

If your children are going to be at home with you while you are packing on moving day (s), if at all possible, make sure there is another adult who can devote their attention to your children's needs. Moving and packing is busy and hectic. Children deserve someone who can give them frequent attention, particularly on a day when they may feel unsettled.

​If you’re not moving very far, you might want to consider keeping your children in their familiar routine for the run-up to moving day and on moving day, if possible. You could consider them being at school or in childcare as normal during the day so that you can focus on the packing and moving. This doesn’t work for everyone and depends on the distance moved, as well as other factors, but it can work very well for some families.

If you can get help with childcare and/or packing and moving your stuff, do it! Moving home is not the time for feeling like you have to be a superhero. What practical help can you have on moving day, what will suit your kids best and what you will feel happy with?
If you’ve never left your young kids with anyone else for a long period of time, moving day might not be the best day to do it (if you have a choice). If your kids are used to going to family or friends’ homes for sleepovers, this might be a good plan for moving day.
If people offer to help, say yes! If you can ask people for help, do it! Think in advance about what help will actually help (rather than what other people might think will help you) and say yes to those offers.

If your children are in the home while things are being packed, have special activities for them to do and consider giving them their own jobs/tasks (in line with their age and ability). They could decorate a special box to pack their favourite things in to. They could be responsible for packing a certain cupboard’s contents in to boxes etc.
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Whether or not your children are involved in packing up the home, involving them in planning special activities for the new home can be helpful so that they have things to look forward to. Read more about that here.
  
Having read all those, you might be wondering why I haven’t put ‘say goodbye to the home’ as a top tip. I’ll discuss that in another blog post very soon.
 
If you are moving home with kids, I'd love to help you. You can sign up for more of my Top Tips here 

Now moving home is a perfect time to sort stuff out and declutter, isn’t it? You don’t want to be moving all the stuff you never use to a new house. You don’t want to move all the stuff your kids have grown out of, or never play with anymore, to your new house.

This is all good in theory. Until your child asks for something you have ‘decluttered’ (i.e., thrown away, sold or taken to a charity shop) right at a point when you are trying to reduce stress-levels in your family ready for your move!

I seriously suggest you do not declutter or give away your kids' toys without your kids knowing. If you really need to declutter their possessions, get their input into the decisions.

Familiar objects, like toys, when children are experiencing multiple changes (home, people, location, childcare, school etc.) can be really reassuring for them. Definitely keep their favourite toys and objects. Be really, really careful about decluttering anything that you think they don’t really care about anymore.

A lot of us have too much ‘stuff’ but consider decluttering everything except your kids’ possessions in the run-up to moving. If your kids choose to sort out their toys and give some away, that’s great. You can encourage them to. But I suggest making sure they are happy with their ‘give away’ pile a few times!

Learn from my mistake. Learn from the little toy sheep from Ireland!

If you've made the same decluttering mistake as me in the past, do let me know in the comments (it'll make me feel better!). Oh, and if you happened to buy a lovely little sheep toy with a green scarf in a charity shop in Plymouth (UK) a few years ago, do let me know in the comments too ;-)

If you're moving home with your kids soon and want some evidence-based 'top-tips', get them here

Moving story book
You might like to create a moving story book with (or for) your child which explains some of the key features of moving home. Explaining what will happen at the different stages of the move can help to allay children's fears about the moving process. It can also help them to discuss and process any sense of loss they may feel at leaving their current home and environment. 

You can take photos of your current home, the people and places that your child likes and is familiar with. Then do the same in the new location and put them in a moving story book prior to moving.

You can write or draw what will happen in the run-up to your move, on moving day and the few days afterwards. This can help children to become accustomed to what will actually happen and what moving home involves for them, as well as what their new home and location looks like.

You can add photos of people who will continue to be in your child's life after they have moved, and new people/places you might already know in your new location.

Familiarise children with the new home and location
If possible, visit the new home and/or place with your child, or do this online with maps and images if you can't visit in person. This enables children to become familiar with aspects of their new home and location prior to moving. It might prompt them to ask questions about what their life will be like in their new home and location. 

If there are particular places you will visit, routes or routines you will follow then show these to your child and discuss them. Helping your child to visualise what their new 'everyday' will be like in their new home and location is reassuring for them. 

My life book
Take photos/draw pictures of the main people and places in your child's life in your current home and location. Your child may like to contribute or add to their my life book. You might like to ask people to write messages in the book. The book becomes a record of the home, people and places that you are moving away from that you can look at frequently during the moving process.

There are likely to be some things that will stay the same after moving. It can be reassuring for children to know this and have their book to look at. Write/draw in the book people they will still see, belongings they will still have, places they can still visit etc., so that there are past, present and future aspects to their my life book. 

Story books and TV programmes
There are children's books and TV programmes that focus on the experiences of children moving house. Your child's favourite book or TV characters might have moved home so you might want to search online for that particular copy/episode. I recommend reading/watching it first to check if any particular issues so that you can be prepared to discuss it and answer any questions they have.

Coping with uncertainties
There may be some uncertainties involved in your move and you might be concerned that these will impact your child. The main thing is to listen to your child's views and concerns, being honest about the things you can't answer yet and emphasising the things you do know about.

For example, you may be waiting to know if your preferred school has a place for your child. This can be very unsettling so consider talking to your child about the certainties there are in your moving situation and the things you and they have control over and/or get to decide. 

Giving control
It is important for children's development that they can develop their decision-making skills over time. Moving home can provide good opportunities for this, as long as children don't feel like they have to take on a lot of adult responsibilities. Think about what decisions your child can have some control over.

What can your child do and/or participate in during the process of moving home? Can they choose new curtains or bedding? Can they choose where furniture goes in the new house? Can they choose their new bedroom layout? Can they choose a playground to visit first? Getting children involved in some of the changes involved in moving house can be helpful for their wellbeing.

In my next blog post I'll discuss some of things you can do to help your child on your actual moving day. If you have some of your own top tips for preparing children to move home, I'd love you to come and share them in my free Facebook Group. See you there :-)

If I could give you five top tips that ensure your child is resilient and totally happy in their new home, I would. I’d love to! The fact is though, and you know this already, when it comes to parenting there are no quick fixes!

A life-changing event like moving house is happening within the context of everything a child has experienced in their life so far. How resilient children are when it comes to moving home, and all the changes that come along with it, is influenced by their everyday experiences. Incrementally, children’s everyday experiences shape and build their resilience. To help build resilience in children, our role as parents is to support them in the right ways during the challenges they encounter in their everyday lives.

Neuroscience tells us that a close, supportive relationship with at least one adult is really important for building children’s resilience. Having a parent who is supportive, kind and encouraging is really helpful.

What we, as parents, say to our children can become their inner voice so maybe try some of the following ideas:

• Be your child’s cheerleader – encourage them in their hopes and dreams
• Encourage your child to keep trying things that are initially tricky, rather than giving-up
• Praise the effort your child makes when doing a task, rather than always focusing on praising the outcome
• Encourage your child to have a ‘can do’ or ‘can try’ attitude and to believe in their capabilities
• Take opportunities to talk with your child about their talents and skills, whilst also pointing out that everyone has different talents
• Talk about your family being a team in which you all help and encourage each other, maybe come up with a motto for your family team and put it up in your home

I’ll be writing a few more blog posts about building resilience with children and moving house so watch this space! Perhaps the easiest thing we can all try to do though, and the thing which will have a really positive impact on our children, is being the adult who encourages them and supports them. Let’s be their Number One Fan!

I'd love to know your experiences and ideas for building children's resilience. What has worked for you and your child(ren)?Come and share your views or ask questions in my free Facebook Group How to Move Home with Kids 

Resilience has become a bit of a ‘buzz word’ in recent years, especially in 2020 with Covid-19 and the lockdowns. Children and parents’ resilience may have been tested to the max! Resilience means succeeding despite our circumstances, overcoming the odds against us, triumphing against adversity.
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I’m going to be completely honest with you and tell you what I’ve found in my research about children’s resilience and moving home, and I find it a bit upsetting. Sometimes people use the idea that kids are resilient as an excuse. I know that isn’t a very nice thought. It’s preferable to think that kids are resilient, that moving is not really a problem for them at all and that they all take it in their stride. Deep down though, I think most of us parents know that isn’t true. Some children are okay about moving home, some children thrive in a new home, but many children struggle with some of the aspects of moving home and the changes that moving home can bring. So what can we, as parents, do to help them?

Research on resilience (and there are thousands of studies across different academic disciplines) suggest that it is not an innate trait. Resilience can be developed and learned. Now this is really good news for us as parents, particularly if we are worried about the impact of moving on our kids. There are things we can do to help our children with the move – hooray!

Rather than just following the frequently parroted idea that children are resilient, and then secretly worry that our child isn’t resilient and will hate moving home, we can help to build their resilience so that they can navigate challenges like moving home more successfully. In my next blog post I will focus on some evidence-based ideas for helping to build children’s resilience so that they can have the best possible home move.

I'd love to help you and your family have a successful move! If you need some bespoke advice, please contact me using the button below.