Living the Dream

What if we’re not living the dream? What to do when moving doesn’t feel like it was the right thing to do

Have you ever tried the cornflour and water experiment with your kids?
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It’s really weird! If you put the cornflour and water mixture in your hand, it runs through your fingers but if you poke it, it goes hard. Then it goes runny again (it’s called a non-Newtonian fluid, just in case you’re interested).
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I was playing this with my kids the other day and it struck me – this is what it can feel like after we have moved home. We poke the mixture – we make the change, we move home. And we might think that everything will feel more solid afterwards. We’ll have everything we dreamt of. We feel like everything is more ‘together’. We’ll feel happier. Our kids will feel happier. Life will be better. We’ll fulfil our dreams.
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The myth of the ‘If Only’

Social media and magazines are full of this stuff. We’re fed it all the time. The myth of the ‘If only…’. If only we had a bigger house. If only we lived near the sea. If only we had a nicer car. The list of ‘If onlys’ goes on and on.

So, what if we try to achieve the ‘If only’ by moving home and life doesn’t feel better after all? The grass doesn’t look greener and there’s more of it to mow!

What if we move and it feels like our dream is running through our fingers leaving a sticky mess like cornflour and water? 

​What if our kids haven’t settled in their new schools? 

What if we haven’t found ‘our people’ yet? 
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If we hoped that moving would solve our problems then the aftermath of moving can be really hard.

If moving has been hard, you are not alone

If you are having a difficult time after moving, I want to reassure you that you are definitely not alone. In the research on this, some people make what are called ‘adjustment moves’ – moves in quick succession – as people realise that things were not quite as they hoped or planned in the new home or location. 

There has been a bit of media coverage on this, related to pandemic home moves – Why I regret my pandemic panic property purchase | Times2 | The Sunday Times (thetimes.co.uk) – but it certainly isn’t a new feeling or experience. 
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Sometimes people stay in the new home/location but say that it took far longer to feel settled in their new home/location than they had anticipated, for children and/or themselves.

You can get help

As I always say, moving may be common but that doesn’t make it easy. It can be really hard to settle in to a new place. 
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If you are feeling like your move isn’t working out like you had hoped, I would love to use my research knowledge and experience to help you. You can email me at naomi@naomityrrellphd.com to book a Coaching Call.